Joining Nano!

I just started yesterday night. Below is an excerpt of the prolouge. I still don't know how things are going, but I figured out I will find out along the way! I must finish nano this year. I must.

Today, I saw you. I saw your pale, alabaster skin and I was struck anew by the fact that I knew you intimately. I see your eyes connecting with me, and I wonder if there is any glimpse of recognition. Don’t you recognise me? I remember you. I remember the days oh so long ago, I remember what we used to have. Don’t you remember?

I see you looking, searching my body with your eyes from head to toe and back to my eyes again. You blink, and turned away. No, you don’t recognize me. Why didn’t you? Couldn’t you remember the history we had together?

I wanted to grab you, but I stopped myself. I knew things would get ugly. I knew you would deny ever knowing me, and somehow I knew that would be truth to you. That would be your version of the story. I knew, you see. I knew you, and I know you.

So here I am now, lambasting myself at this godforsaken alley with my heart in my mouth. I wish I can chew this heart to pieces, I wish I can stamp on this irritating piece of meat. It thunders in nerve-wrecking disappointment and I think… that’s it. I’ve lost you forever.

I want to rail against the system. I want to scream and shout and fight against this way of life. I want to go back to normal, and pretend that we are one happy family. But this can never happen, isn’t it? We were forbidden from the start.

But we couldn’t, wouldn’t see. If we had, I doubt we would be where we are now, separated and with varying levels of memories. I could still be seeing you, talking to you – while my heart screams in perfect symphony of ecstasy and agony. I could pretend this is all me; my ways, my thoughts, my actions, and I would never have dragged you in.

I did, and I am deeply sorry for that. I ruined your life with my emotions, and I can never forgive myself. At the same time, I want to destroy it even more because I cannot stand not seeing you, having you near me. Do you get it? Do you understand? I hope you do, because I am going to hand my heart on a platter, for you to do as you will.